Friday, February 12, 2010

Decidedly Indecisive

I am decidedly indecisive. As soon as I've committed myself to something, I find my mind wandering towards the next hair-brained scheme, reckless thought, or money burning endeavor. I have little faith in my personal capabilities resulting in nearly zero expectations.

But, I want to be better.

I want to find my niche, and to live there and love what I do. I want to be so passionate about something that it's all I live, breathe, think, and want to do. I want to write, I want to write books and stories and thoughts. I want to inspire someone like I was inspired when I was young, and to cut across that message of "you can do it!" because maybe, I might be the only one encouraging them.

I want to read, study, take classes and attend workshops. I want to BE this. I want to have faith in myself like my husband has faith in me. For the first time, I want to work towards a degree and to put in those hours of work pouring over my thoughts.

But, I guess that will have to wait a little bit. I hear a little monster, just up the stairs, and he's calling my name. Almost. I'll walk up the stairs, and call his name in return, bust the door wide open, and he will give me the biggest smile with the brightest eyes, imperiously hold his arms out for me to come to him, and say "Ma".

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