Sunday, July 11, 2010

Some Self Reflection and Realization

My last blog post was nearly 2 months ago. WHAT?! I had been planning on committing myself more. I had planned on writing more. I had planned on becoming the amazing woman in my mind's eye.

I suppose that is my problem - I love to plan, and I love to think ahead and envision all the glorious and amazing things I plan to do with my life, but I never quite get to the doing/accomplishing part of the plan. I have dreams, and wants, and goals just like anybody does, but I keep them quite and hidden,and below the surface. I could soak in denial, and ask "why?" like I have no idea. The truth - I am afraid of rejection, and of failure. The other truth - who isn't? I've been excusing away my time, wasting it on mindless things. I'm tired of being lazy, of being unproductive, and tired of killing all the creativity within me.

So I did some soul searching, and found my bottom line. Even if I could believe that it was too late for me to believe in myself, or in creating a better future for my family, I could never allow my children to grow up with the same belief. So I'm going to change. I'm not planning it this time, I'm just going to DO it, one day at a time.

My wonderful husband calls me Superwoman. He thinks I have some sort of amazing, enduring drive. He has unfailing faith in me, and since I won't consider disappointing him, I'm going work hard for that title for the next month. Everyday through August 11th, I am going to blog about how my improvement is coming along to keep accountable. And hopefully, on the other end, is a changed, positive, and more productive me.

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