Thursday, July 22, 2010

How many times am I going to beat my head against a brick wall...

before I finally wise up and stop?

As my quest for personal growth continues (erm, stalls out?) I am ever thinking and trying to come up with ways for me start accomplishing my goals. A few thoughts that occurred to me...

I have a giant list of goals, and none of them get done! I think I need to have one goal at a time. Picking through my past and predictable behaviors, I believe I've come to the conclusion that instead of rising up to the mountain of things I'd like to do for myself, my inner fear-of-failure causes me to crumble and not even try. SO OUT GOES THE LIST. From now on, I have no expectations of myself, because I know that is where I find my motivation and desire, and drive.

A second minor thought was I can see what I want to write in my head. When we drove up to Big Bear for 4th of July weekend, I had so much inspiration and so much rushing though my mind - it was absolutely intoxicating. The trees, the smell of evergreens, the dirt and sunshine, it was wonderful. As all good things end, so did our weekend. We came back to the beach, and sand, and a serious lack of green. Once again I feel like I'm dying (figuratively, of course). Like a flower that needs sunshine by is in the shadiest part of the flower bed. I need to go home. California. is. killing. my. soul.

A couple quotes I found that seemed to ring a bell with me this morning...

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” - Confucius

"I'm very determined and stubborn. There's a desire in me that makes me want to do more and more, and to do it right. Each one of us has a fire in our heart for something. It's our goal in life to find it and to keep it." - Mary Lou Retton

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