Recently, I've felt a little bit "consumed" by being a mom and a wife. Disclosure #1: I love both of those roles, and am completely in love with my children and husband. BUT, I've been restless. I needed something for myself, and I've found this in running. WHAT? I've never been a runner. But I have found immense joy in it. Figuartively, I'm a runner in that I really don't care to committ to much and generally dislike expectations and responsibility. Oh the irony!
Back to running. It gives me the sense of freedom that I've been longing for. 2 weeks ago, I happened upon a brouchure for the CanDo5k. (cando5k.org), and decided to just go for it. 30 bucks later, I was panicking. 3.1 miles wasn't all that intimidating to me, but I was realizing that there would be other people there, experienced people who regularaly participate in these kinds of events. I must have looked just nervous when I picked up my packet the day before the event. The lady said there was a running chip in the bag and not to throw it away. I wanted to throw up. I'm working on being less reclusive and more out-going, but this seemed like to big of step to take all at once. Disclousure #2: The "what have I agreed to?!" feeling overwhelms me in just about every situation. I almost always come out on the other side feeling pumped and excited and proud that I did it, but it's getting to the end where I can appreciate the experience that is difficult for me.
The night before the 5k was Ayslyn's 1st birthday. We had a house-full of friends and kids to celebrate. It was a regular night in every way except that I didn't sleep at all. I would say it was nerves, but I have a regular problem with sleep. When morning came around, I dropped the kids off with Grandma half an hour late. I almost just climbed into bed instead of going for my run. I remembered to shave my legs (thank heavens my mind was working well enough for that!) and climbed into my spandex and got into the car to go to the event (which was right down the hill from where we live. Convenient, and I should have walked, but I didn't have a place to leave my purse and stuff so in the car I went).
Panic engulfed me when I got to the bottom of the hill, where all I had to do was take a left and I'd be there. I was a few minutes early, but the road was blocked off by some not-so-friendly police officers and the 5k'ers were already starting! I parked in an empty lot and jogged across the wet grass to the back of the group, cursing myself for my procrastinating ways. I jogged past the tail and up to the middle of the group.
My personal summary:
Overall place - 229 out of 654
Division place - 7 out of 23
Gender place - 121
Total time - 32:40 (minutes)
Pace - 10:32
Race summary:
Finishers - 654
Females - 421
Males - 233
Average Time - 42:21
My usual panic was magnified by the fact that I was alone. Most people were participating with their spouses/children, a friend, or group. I had no one, which wasn't that bad, I just definitly find courage in numbers. I was inspired by the other participants, and the sense of team spirit. Everyone was so encouraging and the whole event was charged with positive energy. My favorite volunteer was the lady at the half-mile-left mark, I'm not certain whether or not it was because she was so full of energy or because she was at the half-mile-to-go mark. Either way.
It was a great event, and I forgot all about my insecurities and being alone. I never thought I'd be doing this but now, I'm hooked. In fact, I'm going to register for a 10k that's coming up on April 17th.
What is going outside of your personal comfort zone? And how do you deal with it?
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