Dear Marine Corps

Dear Marine Corps,

I am writing to tell you that I am really quite eager to end my relationship with you, and all affiliations resulting from said relationship.

Since we've come to know one another, not only did we take a decrease in pay, but the man I know as my husband and father to my kids has been frequently taken from my family for weeks and months at a time, with complete disregard and laughable compensation.

It irritates me at how much you boast about caring for the family unit within your care, and yet like politicans, you do not follow through and instead you abuse the trust we gave you.

Your system is corrupt, and lacking.

Fuck you, Marine Corps, fuck you.

Everybody has a first time...

And yesterday was mine.

I made my first writing submission.

I can't write any more aout it because I will start to express all of my irrational and erratic thoughts on it, and complain about all the tons of revisions I would like to do to it.

The grammer and punctuation was fine - it's my never ending search for utter perfection that drives this insanity.

Have a lovely Saturday.

If only, if only...

This morning I put on a small pair of maternity jeans. I was pleasantly surprised to find that my thighs still fit in them perfectly. I was also suprised to find that my uterus had out grown them. The tiny elastic band at the top put too much pressure on said uterus and floating baby, a discomfort I can definately live without, no matter how good my butt looked!

The husband is back from the field. It was a short stint this time, only about 3 days, but I'd gotten spoiled by having him home all the time. It'll be so wonderful to have him home the entire weekend (he's commited himself to no fishing trips for the next 2 weekends, and he did this on his own with no coaxing on my part!). We're going to try to knock out all the "big projects" we have to do around the house before Ayslyn is born.

I am re-evaluating again. I've come to realize that this is a constant process for me. I think this is a positive thing, it gives me the chance to correct habits and goals before I've wasted too much time straying from them. Usually, I get bored, or I move on to the next new and exciting idea, and the projects I'd been working on fizzle and die out. I'd like to find a way around this, or a way to trick myself into commiting more solidly to my whims.

I think breakfast is in order. Toast and bacon, with my 2 cup limit of coffee, sounds divine.

Escaping

I've just been inspired.

I'm going to compile a list of things that I want to do/accomplish for the rest of the year. I will start this endeavor on the 1st of March, and strive to do/accomplish one list item a week for the rest of the year. I won't allow this stagnant feeling to hold me any longer - I am escaping. The Breaking Free List will be posted before Friday. My hubby is field training for the next few days, so I should have a few extra moments here and there to indulge myself in.

Here's to getting out of the rut!

I'm going to be one of those Bambi hunters

I am legit. I have finally, after 5 years of procrastination, taken the Hunter Safety Course. I'm going to be one of those Bambi hunters.

Which brings up a few thoughts. Recently, I watched a 2008 or 2009 rerun of The Tyra Show. (I would like to disclose that this was a very rare circumstance. We have the basic cable package and at 4 pm, there was nothing else on.) This particular show was especially maddening to me. She conducted an "experiment" in which she placed a group of kids ranging from 3-8 years old in a room, unsupervised, with a plastic gun. She was going for shock factor and trying to show how much trouble kids get into. Seriously, what did the woman think was going to happen?

The maddening part was when she was talking with one of the kids later, and said that guns are dangerous/bad and that they hurt people.

A gun is no more dangerous than the the rake, shovel, rolling pin, or pizza cutter I have sitting around my house. It is the person - THE HUMAN BEING - that causes it to become a weapon. Is it not unhealthy to fear an inanimate object all on its own?

Seatbelt Reminder

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Mama Duty

Today I'm pulling some serious Mama Duty. Munchy isn't feeling very well. Our little man is a tank and virtually nothing slows him down. This morning, he barely moved away from the couch. He sat next to me and wanted to cuddle and even when I got up to do some housework, he waited on the couch for me. That is really odd. And not at all like him. Turns out the little tank has a 101.5 degree fever. I don't think it's anything a little children's tylenol and a good long nap won't fix.

Trying to slog through some different ideas and concepts. Got one that I've been thinking about on and off for the last 5 years that is finally taking shape!

I think some Dublin Mudslide might help the thought process along.

Inspirations today are coming in the form of citrus and flowers. I've got an itch to re-upholster something comfy.

Current read: Writer Mama
Next read: Open Season

Quiet Reflection

I finished "Tuesdays with Morrie" right before naptime saved the last shreds of nerves I had left. My son seems to be going through another "noticeable stage", and while his increasing defiance, melt-downs, and overall sensitivity are hard to swallow after a while, I am also finding joy in his innocence and the purity of his feelings.

A couple things have touched on me today. (NLT)

Proverbs 16:3 - Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.
1 Corinthians 13:8, 13 - Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless, but love will last forever. Three things will last forever - faith, hope, and love - and the greatest of these is love.

This past Sunday, I had the pleasure of hearing Phil Pringle speak, and I walked away with a couple of things that were especially profound to me, and the direction I feel I am going:

Be a product of your vision, and not of your history.

For weeds to grow, do nothing.


It's a lovely day here. The grass is green, the sky is blue, and the breeze carries a freshness within itself. I think I might lose myself in it for a while.

Ashy Wednesday

I indulged a little and slept in this morning until just after 7 am. My original thought was that I would get up when Hubby did, at 4:30 am. Normally I get up with him in the morning, but today was not a normal day and he had to be to work 2 hours earlier than he usually does. It thrilled me to no end to walk down the stairs and to my "office area" which I "detoxed" and busted through yesterday. Now it is open and clutter free, for the most part, and begging to be used. And use it I will, when naptime shows up around noon.

I want to take a minute to say that I feel so incredibly blessed to be married to the wonderful man that I am. He's been amazingly supportive of my writing and nothing but encouraging. I love that man to pieces!

I'd best get to it.

Current read: Tuesday's with Morrie

Nesting

Today I've thoroughly enjoyed my nesting urge. After a lovely day spent at the beach with Hubby & Munchy yesterday, I've been eager for this week. Today has proved to be both productive and beautiful.

I find that I am most inventive and thoughtful when cleaning my house, which is probably a good thing. I don't work well without motivation, and luckily, I can view this creativity as a reward.

My office area is hardly recognizeable, and I am eager to sit at my desk to write.

Just as soon as I close the back door so I can't hear the neighbor kids screaming like little heathens.

Please, soak me in a hot tub of hot tea

I've got a weird California sinus cold again.

I say this because I never to seem to get fully sick anymore - no full out cold or flu for me, just sinus crap.

Today is not going to be lovely.

We had a rare "date night" last night. It was not long, but we did get to dress up and were munchkin free for a few hours.

I love Valentine's Day and the celebration of even more and more as each year goes by. It's something wonderful to take note of romance and love with the person I continue to spend my life with, and it's interesting to watch our version of romance evolve. (Like, for instance, Im not a really big gifts kind of person. Whoda thunk?)

I'm going to go hunt down some hot tea, a warm blanket, and crochet or read a little bit.

Housewivery

Crafty Things I Plan on Doing When I get Around to Them...

- Crochet a pair of MaryJane slippers
- Sew a denim park/beach blanket
- Finish Munchy's big boy blanket
- Make some bookmarks
- Bake a snicker's cheesecake from scratch (Hubby's fave.)
- Sew a crochet accessories keeper

Decidedly Indecisive

I am decidedly indecisive. As soon as I've committed myself to something, I find my mind wandering towards the next hair-brained scheme, reckless thought, or money burning endeavor. I have little faith in my personal capabilities resulting in nearly zero expectations.

But, I want to be better.

I want to find my niche, and to live there and love what I do. I want to be so passionate about something that it's all I live, breathe, think, and want to do. I want to write, I want to write books and stories and thoughts. I want to inspire someone like I was inspired when I was young, and to cut across that message of "you can do it!" because maybe, I might be the only one encouraging them.

I want to read, study, take classes and attend workshops. I want to BE this. I want to have faith in myself like my husband has faith in me. For the first time, I want to work towards a degree and to put in those hours of work pouring over my thoughts.

But, I guess that will have to wait a little bit. I hear a little monster, just up the stairs, and he's calling my name. Almost. I'll walk up the stairs, and call his name in return, bust the door wide open, and he will give me the biggest smile with the brightest eyes, imperiously hold his arms out for me to come to him, and say "Ma".

Twiddle my thumbs...

As the month moves forward, I am finding that while my productivity has decidedly increased, my inspiration and bright eyed hope is waning. In the past, any form of slight discouragement has been able to derail my ambition and all together focus. How do I avoid falling into that kind of situation, yet again?

Productivity
*Cut Facebook time by more than half. Check.
*Research, study, and write daily. Check.
*Complete more housework. Check.

While the increase in my productivity has been GREAT, I am not really moving forward as time does. I could work on these goals forever and never get any further than I am right now. I suppose this is just something I am going to have to work on, and hopefully grow from.

Relieved

I've watched these past few weekends go by, and I'm not sorry to see them go. Oddly, I'm encouraged and excited for Monday. I think we're going to make "Saturday's" a semi-permenant thing around here, J can go fishing in the morning, and I'll get my break to read/write/breathe. It's done wonders for my mood to have just a few ours to myself and my thoughts without the TV on, or someone trying to captivate my interest. But honestly, I won't start counting on any kind of routine until after Child #2 has arrived and is a few months old.

I just want to thank the Muse of Inspiration for the crazy thoughts I was recieving last night, and that I hope I can put this inspiration to good use.

All right Monday, let's get along, shall we?

A Rare Weekend of Nearly Pure Bliss

Here I am after finding that I was nearly non-existent on the Internet this weekend. The truth? It was pretty nice.

My Hubby took charge of our munchkin this past Saturday morning, and gave me half the day "off". It was so sweet and thoughtful of him, but even more than that, I feel as though my battery has been completely recharged. Later that evening, we went to the beach and had a small fire, and roasted hot dogs and had s'mores. The sun set and the stars were lovely.

Last night, Sunday, we went over to a friend's home and met her twin babies for the first time. It was so different to be holding a little bundle of innocence and dependency in comparison to my 18 month old toddler/tornado. The few hours I spent there holding her babies also shed light on a new concept that I hadn't had to worry about before - minding my toddler while caring for a newborn. In a few months, it will be my reality, when our second child is born, and this revelation alone is encouraging me to try to get my miscellaneous projects completed before she is here.

And so, after this rare weekend of nearly pure bliss, I find myself to be re-motivated to be productive, and wanting to spend less time "wasting" time on other things, like Facebook and it's little games/apps.

Today, I'm committing myself to tackling two small projects I keep listing on my "to-do" and then, consequently, never doing. I'm going to detox our office & laundry room, taking out all the unnecessary things, cleaning, and re-organizing.